My Expectations Were Low. It Turned Out Better Than Expected.
Adding low expectations to my to-do list.
Our nanny was on vacation earlier this week, and my husband and I pieced together a schedule so we could both work and watch the kids. I recognized I am very blessed to have this situation, and I will save my rant on caregiving and simply remind us: NO MOMS, WE ALL DIE.
I wrestle with high and often unrealistic expectations about what I can accomplish during the day with small children. This coupled with an innate need to clean and organize when stressed means I typically end up in a puddle by the third dishwasher unload/load.
These expectations include:
Crafty art projects
Cooking a more involved new recipe
Baking homemade treats (see the homemade fondant unicorn horns featured above)
Decluttering and organizing my oldest daughter’s room (if the baby is a stage five clinger, the oldest is a stage five hoarder)
Finding time to write
Finding time to exercise
Not turning on the TV or resorting to tablets
Getting the oldest to do educational activities like reading and workbooks (this child’s print looks like a serial killer, yet her cursive is somehow perfect?!)
Shuttling us to a fun family activity like the zoo, the park, the library for an “experience”
Getting outside
Brushing my teeth
Walking the dog
Showering
I also constantly struggle with being a good enough mom yet I can’t really articulate what that means. That I am a stoic, loving, hair-washed, gentle, creative, engaging, productive, calm, zen-like person in a flowy dress with children that gaze at me adoringly? I am none of those things. Okay, I’ll allow creative and productive. Why is that my ideal? I am loud, very energetic, un-washed hair, big emotions, maybe in a flowy dress but with Oofos sandals, more likely in hubs’ Florida Gators open-fly fleece pajama pants and old Ursuline field hockey sweatshirt, always running late person. Those pesky expectations.
On this day in particular, I decided I would have very low expectations going in. For those of you that know me by now, you know that low expectations means A- on a 93 point grading scale. I wasn’t going to worry about any projects or even putting away the laundry. We were just going to take it moment by moment. I had a few things on the to-do list under the “if I have time category.” I didn’t include any expectations to work on anything other than responding to necessary emails.
The day started off with the baby sleeping in (until 7:30!) and the oldest getting herself ready which meant I was able to get a run/walk in on the treadmill. I am up to seven straight minutes of running at a 6.2 mph pace, and I bookend that with a walk for four minutes. I can see Boston in the distance!
I was listening to an article about why America isn’t that happy anymore because I was curious about the reasons even though I already know it’s NO MOMS WE ALL DIE, when my son bursts into the basement like I had a cash grab booth set up down there. He was filled with pure joy to be awake and come hang in the basement. I thought it was ironic against the backdrop of the happiness article - he gets something we don’t. He lives in the moment.
The two littles played nicely while I showered and the gods smiled down on us. Everyone had a delicious breakfast of Eggo waffles with snow. Snow is powdered sugar which I made the mistake of introducing to get the baby to eat her waffle (I bet those baby-led weaning influencers are choking on their carefully cut carrot chunks right now). Now of course it is a daily thing. Oh well, it’s fun and kind of festive so f-off.
We were late for school drop-off but made it just as the last kid was getting out of their car. There was another parent behind me for the regular school drop-off line who tried to GO AROUND me. I gave her a smirk which now makes me like the judgy baby-led weaners. Regular school starts 25 minutes after preschool drop-off. I know the lines are bananas but I can’t imagine the people who sit in their car with their kids for 25 minutes just to be first in line. I like being first but I can’t do that.
The baby and I went home. We did dot art and made a picture for my dad with the stickers he gave her for her birthday. I consider this the best gift one of my children has ever received. He saved up stickers from charitable solicitations (he is cheap but also very charitable so has quite a stash), some random used sheets my parents had at their house for the older two, and put them in a gift bag. Now he gets them back in the form of an original artwork called “Stickers for Geeps,” and I don’t have to worry about another plastic toy ending up in a landfill.
I also got to iron and reassemble the down throw pillows which I WASHED IN THE WASHING MACHINE over the weekend. I went to fluff one on Saturday and more dust than an Egyptian tomb came out, which led to my ground-breaking discovery. Here is the link courtesy of Pottery Barn, purveyor of tasteful, over-priced throw pillows. This activity wasn’t on the list, but I got it done!
I tentatively penciled in taking a walk on the trail but recognized we wouldn’t have enough time before the bus got home with big brother, so we played outside and I cleaned and wiped down the mini-van! Also NOT on the list but lo and behold, the baby could toddle around the yard while I cleaned and kept an eye on her.
During lunch as I was thinking about taking us outside to play on the swingset, my son looked at me and signed “swing.” It was one of those synchronicity moments Julia Cameron talks about. Maybe I AM zen-like. So swing we did.
Both of them napped while I crossed things off my to-do-if-time list and responded to some emails. Then we sat on the couch after naps and watched Cocomelon while hubs cooked dinner. This was followed by more playing outside, homework compliance from the oldest, and a smooth bedtime.
Turns out having low or no expectations means it turns out better than you expected. I’m adding it to my to-do list to do more often, and will now try and prevent myself from having high expectations about low expectations.
What do you have high expectations about?
What do you have low expectations about?
Have you ever tried to make the devil’s icing aka homemade fondant?
What turned out better than expected?
As always, thanks for reading.
I really enjoyed this article about mornings from
:https://mindfulinthemud.substack.com/p/good-morning-mom-needs-coffee
This one from
popped up in my inbox JUST when I needed it:https://distractedby.substack.com/p/my-kettle-blew-up
This one from
(who might be that zen mother ideal but in a very lovely way) about writing as medicine:https://laurenbarber.substack.com/p/writing-as-my-medicine
And if you don’t read the talented
, I highly recommend it. Check out her latest guide here: https://onpurposeproject.substack.com/p/spring-guide-links-and-recs-for-joyful
Great article, Emily! I think I try to keep a minimal amount of expectations toward myself. For example, when I spend genuine time with kids, I leave my phone to the side. Other than that, I've found that what works best is having no or minimal expectations and just going with the flow of the day and the kids' moods. Sometimes the universe surprises me; sometimes it doesn't!
Enjoy your littles having some "snow" with their waffles without regrets! How cute. I can't wait for the day that my son can sign things to communicate with me. You're doing such a great job. And now I'm going to take up having low expectations as well.