What if More People Like My Dad Were on the Other End of the Line?
This is a letter I wrote during
’s with ’s #1000wordsofsummer two years ago for my dad on Father’s Day. I find myself thinking these days as I did then - what if there were more people like him on the other end of the line when we called? And what if it was us?Father’s Day
June 18, 2023
Cincinnati
#1000wordsofsummer
Dear Dad,
Happy Father’s Day to you! Here’s to almost 41 years of being a dad, and seven years of being a grandpa.
I went through a workshop with my business coach Deni a few weeks ago on discovering your core gift. During the process she observed that I have a deep sense of responsibility and service. I told her those qualities come from my dad. You have been an example of responsibility, reliability, loyalty, curiosity, service and acceptance throughout my entire life.
You always told us, “turn it off if you turn it on,” and “if you open it, close it.” A lot of these catchphrases didn’t catch on when I was little or when it came to my room. With three kids they certainly resonate now, and I find myself repeating them! My favorite is “leave it better than you found it.” With the exception of house repairs, that is how you live your life. You feel a responsibility to leave the world better than you found it, and you’ve worked tirelessly, though not in vain, towards that end. Especially when it comes to people. You don’t just say these things, you live them. I remember the phone ringing late at night. It would be your friend Leonard, and he needed help. As a little kid I always wondered why he would call you. As an adult, I understand. He was in trouble, he needed help, and he knew you would answer. What if more of the struggling souls in the world had a Steve on the other end of the line? Someone they could count on to answer. What a very different world this would be indeed.
This is also a testament to your reliability. You show up. You can be counted on to make things right to the best of your ability. People can count on you. Even people who can get on your nerves like shitty customers or mom’s family. You can be counted on to show up for usher duty at mass and pick up an extra shift if someone couldn’t make it. The reliability of being there for your (at times) bratty kids - every Tuesday - so your wife could work and not worry about childcare. We did have a lot of fun on Tuesdays in spite of our grumbling. Kids can be bratty! I see that now - thanks for putting up with us. We could count on you to deliver a Tuesday full of adventures - which instilled in me a great sense of curiosity because that is what you modeled.
Whether it was playing along the Serpentine Wall, going to the Reds game, betting at River Downs, or rambling around in some old mansion in North College Hill, you showed us that there are interesting things - and people - all around. You just have to look and be curious. Your easy-going, approachable nature and willingness to to really engage people has made you many a friend. It’s also helped Natalie and me navigate this big adult world. You showed us there are friends to be had anywhere you are - you just have to be open, be curious, say hello, have a strong handshake, and ask them about themselves.
You’ve always demonstrated the quality of loyalty. It is incredible that you have lifelong friends. Truly that is a testament to how loyal you are. It was so awesome to have so many great people gathered in my house to celebrate your retirement. You show up for people and are always willing to help. Your loyalty has enabled you to have a long, happy marriage to mom even now when she is sick.
This loyalty goes hand in hand with your commitment to serve others. The list of people you’ve helped could fill a book. A memory I will never forget is the day you left us on a corner in downtown Cincinnati to help a homeless person get a hot meal. You have lived a life to serve others - from the complicated task of being present for dying friends to something as simple as ensuring someone had a meal to eat. Of course, added together, these are not simple acts, they are quite profound. I am glad I got to bear witness to these qualities. I now have a better understanding of how they’ve shaped my life and helped me become the person I am, especially as Mark and I embark on our next endeavor. We’re going to need them!
Finally, you also have a great capacity for acceptance. Probably due to all of these qualities above. You always say, “life is hard, this isn’t heaven.” You wholeheartedly accept that. Life is hard - you’ve seen suffering friends, family members like your mom dying of cancer, and now watch one of the world’s most competent women succumb to a horrible disease. You do this with an acceptance - it is what it is - a capacity very few people possess. I am still trying to accept that I have to load and unload the dishwasher three times a day! Because of your capacity for true acceptance, and all of these qualities I’ve talked about - you have been rewarded with a very rich and full life, with even more to come. God knows you show up for Him enough!
I love you very much. Thank you for being the exceptional man I get to call my father.
Love,
Emily